Connection Starts With Clarity

Ever walked away from a conversation feeling unheard, misunderstood, or like you’re speaking two different languages?
Stuck in the same argument, running in circles, wondering if there’s any way to say it differently?
Are we settling for compromise when what we really want is true connection?

Often we’re told to just sweep things under the rug, or let things lie, but what I’ve found within myself and many a client I work with is: that’s a surefire path to resentment.

The truth is, most conflicts aren’t about what we say but how we say it.
 

Learning the language of your emotions through the practice of Non Violent Communication is a game-changer. NVC is a methodology of conflict resolution coined by Marshall D Rosenberg, and a starting point for those who want to work 1-1 with me.

It shifts us from blame and reactivity into conversations that actually work; And when you’re moving about life, or trying not to throttle your partner, learning these practices can save a marriage, friendship, career, and help us understand one another at a core level.

REAL connection.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had many a conversation that just seemed to forfeit into what I like to call, the “blame game of hot potato”.

“IF YOU DID X, THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE DONE Y”

“I wouldn’t have said that if you didn’t do this!”

It’s exhausting. It perpetuates the disconnect by dancing around what the ACTUAL issue is:
Unmet needs being triggered in situations that remind us of the wounds and not being able to communicate them.

Not only does this framework help you understand how to communicate effectively, but it helps us learn the language of our own emotions. A tool that is KEY for navigating life and relationships.

NVC is built on four key steps:

• Observation (What actually happened?)
• Feelings (How do I feel about it?)
• Needs (What do I need?)
• Requests (What am I asking for?)
   

The difference? Most people stop at the feeling stage, assuming the other person should just know what to do.
But clarity leads to connection. The clearer we are within our own understanding of our needs and emotions, the easier it is to connect and communicate to those around us, and if we don’t know what’s happening for us, how can we communicate it?

So, practically.. how do we begin?

Let’s start with practicing being an observer. For the next few days, invite yourself to note down any significant moments that brought up emotionality, and notice:

What was the scenario? (In a group, public speaking, arguing with a partner….)
Then, how did you feel in that moment? (activated, angry, irritated, unheard, misunderstood, judged etc)
Does that feeling and sensation in the body remind you of something you’ve experienced before? And what was it…
Was there an expression, a need, or connection that didn’t play out then, that’s being highlighted NOW?

By simply noticing this, you’re pulling your awareness to pay attention (hello, RAS!), which lets your mind know THIS is important and to start paying attention.
 

Over the next few emails, I’ll walk you through how to use NVC to transform your relationships—whether with a partner, friend, coworker, or even yourself.

If you feel called, you can join in on the full workshop coming out soon, or reach out and ask me some questions. Alternatively, some of the material will be made available on the hOHM app (yup! there’s an app!)