Mastering the Art of Not Taking their Sh*t Personally

We’ve all been there. Someone says something sharp, dismissive, or downright rude—and suddenly, our whole body is in fight-or-flight mode. Frozen, back flaring in hot anger, heart beating, unable to think or speak clearly because all the reactionary sh*t is coming up.
How dare they speak to you like that?

Breathe in……aaand out.
 

…..What if I told you their words aren’t about you?

In the last email we covered that behind every rupture or conversational reaction is an unmet need.

When someone lashes out, they’re often speaking from their own pain—usually showcasing as a “personal attack” upon our character, or a well shot arrow into a sore spot. Perfect grounds for a battle.
The tell tale signs of the blame game arising or a pattern about to replay…
It would be easier to spot if the bait wasn’t so tempting. To use up all that pent up frustration and shoot it right back? MMm don’t we love doing that?

But the thing is, that leads nowhere but a spiral down the hole of repeated wounds and calling your therapist about how they wont face their damn wounds (whilst you’re conveniently avoiding your own).
 

Instead of reacting and becoming more disconnected to the emotional charge behind the bite, try to get clear on your own, and the other’s emotions. Try this instead:
 

• Pause. Take a breath before responding.
• Get curious. What might be the rupture in connection and understanding here? What’s in the emotional charge?
• Shift the focus. Get curious.
  Instead of defending yourself, ask: “Are you feeling [emotion] because you need [need]?”
  
  At times, simply getting curious about understanding their perspective cuts clear through all the BS and diffuses tension. What’s their truth, what’s your truth, and what’s the objective truth?
   

This one shift can turn conflict into connection. Try it today and see how it changes the dynamic from blame game hot potato to breaking a pattern and connecting in a way the heart yearns.